Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Guidelines for Mailing Santa

An Amentior Exclusive!

This intrepid reporter, ok, it’s me, Cathy, was fortunate enough to be able to have a private interview with Santa Claus yesterday. Santa did not have anything to say about condom usage; however, he did have a lot to say about how and how not to correspond with him this Christmas. Santa, who is nothing if not polite (he is a Saint you know!), called it his “Please Do” and “Please Do Not” list.

Please Do List
•Send requests via the Postal Service in your respective nation.
•Please send “hard copy” requests (aka paper) thru the mail service as Santa does not care for email or faxes. Furthermore, the elves are “computer illiterate”
•Leave, uh, room for negotiation in your wish list. List alternative gifts
•Use plain white paper. Santa is getting up there in years and the colored papers are hard for him to read
•Limit wish list to one page (8 ½ x 11), portrait orientation, 1” margins, Times New Roman 12ft, double-spaced, black

Please Do Not List
•Do not post send or embed hyperlinks in documents
•Do not send photos. Santa knows all
•Do not send testimonies of how “nice” you’ve been all year. Santa knows all.
•Do not keep sending or attaching prior year’s lists with the current list. Santa knows what you really need

Special Instructions
Vincenzo: Kindly stop asking for the loaded refrigerator and chest freezer. The sleigh can’t carry all that weight and the reindeer can’t pull it. Thanks and God bless you. Love, Santa.

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