Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Man Robs Bank With McDonald’s Apple Pies!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/image.jpg

By Nancy Dillon
(New York Daily News) Somewhere the Hamburglar is shaking his head. California man is behind bars after trying to rob a pile of dough from a Sacramento bank using two apple pies wrapped in a McDonald's bag, cops said.

Daniel Hegwood, 33, entered a downtown Wells Fargo over the weekend, told a teller he had a dangerous bomb inside the fast food bag and demanded money, police said.

He then fled on foot with a “substantial” amount of cash, leaving the bag behind, police said.

"When he left, bank security followed him and gave us updates, so we were able to find him as he entered a nearby parking garage, take him into custody and ultimately determine that his paper bag contained apple pies and not a bomb," Officer Laura Peck of the Sacramento Police Department told the Daily News.
Police said Hegwood tried to resist his arrest, saying he had another bomb in his backpack.

Bomb technicians were called and determined neither the backpack nor the bag contained explosives, police said.

"Certainly in this day and age you have to take every threat seriously, but with hindsight, knowing the bag contained apple pies, it gives us insight into the lack of sophistication in his methods. Clearly he's not that good at bank robbery," Peck said.

Hegwood was arrested for robbery, resisting arrest and other charges and is being held without bail because he also violated his parole for a previous unspecified crime.

Friday, February 3, 2012

64-year-old tub of lard found in Germany -- still edible 
(AFP) A German pensioner who had kept a tub of lard in his cupboard for 64 years, took it to authorities who pronounced it very much fit for consumption -- if a little tasteless.

Retired chemist Hans Feldmeier, 87, told AFP he had received the pig fat as a student in 1948 near the northern city of Rostock as part of the post-war US aid programme.

Feldmeier said he had been given the tub together with two tins of noodles and some milk.

"I just didn't want to throw it away," he explained.

Finally, after 64 years, he took it to food safety agents and was astonished at their appraisal.

"There is of course a slight lack of smell and taste," sniffed Frerk Feldhusen, from the office of agriculture, food safety and fisheries in the eastern state of Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania.

Moreover, the lard was "of gritty consistency, difficult to dissolve and looked a bit old," the officials added.

However, "all in all, given its level of freshness and its material composition, the product is assessed as satisfactory," Feldhusen said, adding it would stand up to today's definition of being fit for the dinner table.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The lost pages of the Summa

Shared on a Yahoo group - Part of the Benedictine College philosophy department's celebration of St. Thomas' feastday included a contest: write your own question in the style of St. Thomas' Summa. The winning submission, written by Joseph R.

Whether a zombie possesses scientific knowledge?

Objection 1: It seems that a zombie cannot possess scientific knowledge. For the brain is required in order for the imagination to produce phantasms, and, as the Philosopher says in the De Anima, “the soul understands nothing without a phantasm.” Now it is known of zombies that they desire the human brain. But no thing desires what it already possesses, as was said above. Therefore zombies do not possess a brain and so cannot obtain the phantasms necessary for knowledge.

Objection 2: What does not have being cannot know. Now it is known that zombies can exist only during the “zombie apocalypse”, but nowhere in the Book of the Apocalypse does the apostle John mention zombies. Therefore zombies do not exist. Therefore they cannot know.

On the Contrary:

Although he only speaks one word, the word “brains”, it is known that a zombie is able to speak. But according to the Philosopher in De Interpretatione, “spoken words are the symbols of mental experience.” Therefore zombies have mental experience. In order to have mental experience one must have an intellect and be able to know. Therefore zombies must have scientific knowledge.


The term “zombie” is understood in two ways.

First, we call a man who is not acting in full rationality on account of drunkenness, sleeplessness, or laziness a zombie. Those who lack the necessary means to make themselves alert upon waking up are also called zombies. It is in this way that the Philosopher speaks of the Pythagoreans and those who proposed Ideas. While those spoken of as zombies in this manner may not act as if they possess knowledge, we must still say that they have both the capacity to know and the habit of scientific knowledge. For we would not say that a drunken man does not know, but only that he acts as if he does not know. In the same way, we would not say that the zombie, whether he is a lazy student or an exhausted man, does not know, but only that he does not act as if he does.

Secondly, we speak of a zombie as the nonliving corpse of a man made to move as if it were living. It is the opinion of some that a zombie of this kind is a dead body given some of the perfections of an animal soul while still remaining a dead body, but this is not possible. For the matter of a dead body, being without life, inasmuch as it is dead, has none of the perfections of a living being and cannot obtain these perfections unless it is in some way disposed to the reception of an animal soul. Therefore a zombie of this kind must be made to move as if it were alive by some exterior living agent, as the puppet though not alive, is made to move as if it were alive by the hand, which is living. But since there is no sign of an exterior material agent moving the corpse, as there is in the case of the puppet, we must say that the exterior agent moving the corpse is immaterial. But if this agent is immaterial, it must be capable of knowledge, as we said above. Therefore even this kind of zombie is capable of knowledge, or at least the agent moving the corpse.

Ad 1: A thing can be desired in two ways. First, according to its proper function. Second, because of some accident. It is in the second way that a zombie desires the human brain. For a zombie desires the brain not on account of its usefulness in producing phantasms, but according to an accidental aspect, namely, insofar as it is food for the zombie.

Ad 2: While there is no mention of a “zombie apocalypse” in the Book of Revelation, it is manifest that zombies can exist at times other than the last days. That zombies exist even at this time is clear from the writings of Siger of Brabant on the eternity of the world and the teachings of David of Dinant on the Divine Essence.